


Angel Alexis

by luv_u_4eva_418



Series: Media Mess [2]
Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Tommy Ratliff (Musician)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-30
Updated: 2015-01-07
Packaged: 2018-02-06 21:41:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1873482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luv_u_4eva_418/pseuds/luv_u_4eva_418
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five years since that day and time has moved so slow for Tommy. There are days when he can't get out of bed, but now something has happened that might change all of that</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Letter

_“Ready to go baby?”_

_Tommy looked back at the Willow branches blowing in the breeze and smiled, turning back to Adam to say “Ready Babyboy.”_

 

_*~*~*~*_

 

Five years.

 

Five years of nightmares.

 

Five years of CDs.

 

Five years of loving Adam.

 

Five years of missing Dex with everything he had.

 

In the five years since the accident that claimed the lives of his bodyguard and baby boy Tommy thought about ending his life many times.

 

There were days when he couldn’t take the pain of the emptiness that filled his soul, but he pushed forward. There were times when he couldn’t make himself get up out of bed, and instead of pushing him Adam would cancel his meetings and would lay there with him, holding him.

 

And then there were times of pure joy and happiness, with a lingering feeling of sadness mixed in.

 

They always opened their fan mail once a month, and one time there was a beautiful portrait of Dex that had been drawn by a fan of theirs. Somehow he had managed to find some other pictures of Dex and there was a collage of just his baby boy. Tommy sat there, just running his fingers over the images of his baby while Adam got on the phone with Lane to track the guy down.

 

It had been five years since their world had been torn apart, but slowly they were piecing it back together.

 

_*~*~*~*_

 

**Dear TommyJoe,**

**Hi! You don’t know me, but my name is Alexis and I am 15 years old. I love school and books and being outside and having fun. I loved life so very much and treid to live it to the fullest.**

**5 years ago that all changed.**

**My stepdad ruined so many lives with a fucked up choice. He cared not for his family or for those around him. he just did what he wanted and never looked back. It didn’t matter to him the outcome for those around him…those who counted on him.**

**My stepdad was driving the car that killed your little boy.**

**When I heard what he had done my world was shattered. It had nothing to do with the fact that it was your little boy, but the fact that a little boy had died. I didn’t care that his daddies were rich and well-known and all that shit…he had just taken away someone’s baby.**

**And he could have cared less.**

**But in that instant he tore apart so many families.**

**Mine.**

**Yours.**

**The bodyguards.**

**It was so hard getting past what he had done…you know that well.**

**My mom loved him so much, but couldn’t get past the death of someone so young. She divorced him but fell into drinking and started spending less and less time with me.**

**I didn’t care…I got to do what I loved but that led me to where I am today.**

**After so many bruises that were unexplained I was taken to the doctor who referred me to someone else. After many visits and many exams and unanswered questions I finally had my answer.**

**I had cancer.**

**Trying to cope with that after everything was so hard and I turned to the youth pastor at my church. So far gone in my grief and turmoil I missed the signs of a troubled man until it was too late.**

**I am not afraid to die. I have accepted the fact that my choices might lead me to that end, but I cannot and will not change my mind.**

**Everything was taken from me when my stepdad got behind that wheel, but I am taking back my right to live my life the way I want to.**

**And I want to give you and Adam a gift; something that I hope you will both take into your hearts and home with everything you have.**

**A little girl…not yet with us, but slowly making her way here.**

**I know that this is so much to ask of someone who has been through so much, but I want to be albe to help you and your husband heal in a way that I haven’t been able to.**

**Please…just think about it.**

**Alexis**

**XOXOXOXO**


	2. Five Stages

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The pain and agony and anger and depression...all sums up what he had been feeling

It had been so hard on them when they lost Dex. Trying to make it through the days and months following the death of their little boy had almost done both Tommy and Adam in. there were many times that individually they both thought about just throwing up their hands and saying “Forget it all!!” but they never did.

 

As hard as it was for Adam it seemed like the death of his little boy was almost too much for Tommy to handle.

 

Denial.

 

 Anger.

 

Bargaining.

 

Depression.

 

Acceptance. 

 

The five stages of death affected him so deeply there were times when he just wanted to leave and join his little boy. He felt like there was nothing solid holding him here…like there was nothing to be happy about, nothing to make his life worth living again.

 

He loved Adam with all his heart but his little boy had captured his soul and for the longest time after his death it seemed like his soul had followed Dex to wherever he had gone. Tommy never wanted to leave Adam, but he so wanted to go be with his son.

 

That’s where the **DENIAL** stage began, with him not wanting to accept the fact that his little boy was gone from him forever and at some point he needed to realize that and try to move forward with his life.

 

That was so hard, moving forward and moving past what he had started to build with Dex. It was so hard to imagine what he would have been like at the age of seven, because he never got to see him past a year and a half. He never was able to see the boy his Dex would have been.

 

And that in and of itself brought on the **ANGER** stage. The hatred that filled him every single time he thought about the accident was almost consuming. He could feel it seeping out of his heart and funning through his veins. Anger towards the driver…anger towards the photographer…anger towards those that bought pictures from vultures like them.

 

It was so overwhelming that he just had to break things, just to hear the porcelain hit the wall and watch it shatter into thousands of tiny pieces. There were times when he just wanted to be given the chance to see the men who caused all of his pain, but knew that it wouldn’t be enough.

 

And then the **BARGAINING** stage set it. It was all ‘what-if’ things. What if he hadn’t had that appointment? What if he had stayed to talk to the doctor for a few minutes longer? What if Adam had gone with them?

 

What if? What if? What if?

 

There were so many things flying around through his mind there were times he just wanted to be knocked out so he could get away from them all. He needed an escape and constantly asking ‘what-if’ was tearing him apart.

 

He logically knew that he couldn’t change what happened, but that didn’t stop him from constantly wondering if he had done something wrong or if he could have changed what had happened.

 

Maybe if Dex had survived and he had been the one killed? He wanted his little boy to be alive and would have given anything for that to have happened…but he knew what it was like to go on without a parent and never wanted his little boy to deal with that pain.

 

The pain he went through…that was something that he needed to escape from. The pain along with the **DEPRESSION** that went along with it. To know that his little boy was never going to grow up into his own person, that made him break down hard.

 

So many things he had wanted for his son, this was not one of them. He never wanted to bury his son, especially at the age of a year and a half. He never wanted to see Dex’s toys scattered about where he had left them, never to be touched by his little hands again. He never wanted to wake up to a baby crying only to remember that he no longer had his baby.

 

When the depression hit it stayed longer than any of the other stages. It locked on tight to him, never wanting to let go…never wanting to let Tommy go. So many times it felt like he couldn’t get up and move, he was so bogged down with pain and sadness.

 

And through everything Adam was there for him.

 

Adam was there to protect him when he found out about the accident.

 

Adam was there to wake him up.

 

Adam was there to tell him about the death of their little boy.

 

Adam was there to hold him when he lost everything upon hearing about the death.

 

Adam was there to hold off the doctors.

 

Adam was there when it was time to take him away from everything.

 

Adam was there through the surgeries and physical therapy.

 

Adam was there when he came home with purple and black hair.

 

Adam was there when the trial began.

 

Adam was there when it all became too hard and he went on meds because of it.

 

Adam was there when the shit hit the fans…when their fans found out.

 

Adam was there when he couldn’t go back to the courthouse…Sutan too.

 

Adam was there to explain about the plea agreement.

 

Adam cried with him when he saw the tattoo in honor of Dex, even though he was mad.

 

Adam was there when it all became too much for him to handle and he went ape-shit crazy on their friends.

 

Adam was there to hold him and comfort him that night.

 

Adam stood up for him when they tried to get him to do an interview.

 

Adam was there for him.

 

Adam took him to the lake, just so he could spend time with the babies.

 

It was so hard, but his love was always there for him. It was so hard now, to look back and see that he hadn’t been there for Adam the way Adam had been there for him. It hurt him so very much, but when he mentioned it Adam shook his head and told him that he had been there for him, in his own way.

 

It was so hard, so slow, and so painful but there came a point when he was finally able to get up in the morning and actually get out of the bed. He was finally able to be okay that he was here and had made peace with the fact that Dex wasn’t.

 

It had finally happened… **ACCEPTANCE** had finally rolled into his life.

 

Three years after the accident, when his little boy would have been four and a half, he was finally able to accept that things were okay in his life. Yes, he would always miss his Dex and always wonder what he would have been like and he would never forget about him, but life did move forward.

 

_*~*~*~*_

 

And now, here he was…sitting in their den, wrapped in a blanket that had once been Dex’s favorite. He was sitting here trying to comprehend this letter that had gotten sent to their house…their home…their sanctuary.

 

He had always known that the two men in prison for the deaths had families, but it never occurred to him just how much they would have gone through too. It never passed through his mind to worry about them, only to hate the two men that had put him in the situation.

 

But, sitting here with this letter and reading what this young girl had written to him that made him wonder about what she had gone through. He could plainly read what she had written about and knew that she had suffered just like he had.

 

Though he would never try to scale out their pains and sorrows and heartaches he felt something grab onto him. He felt the pain that she had obviously felt when he mom started forgetting about her. He could sense the sadness when she found out about the cancer. The betrayal from the church member stabbed him in the heart.

 

So many things she shouldn’t have had to gone through at such a young age but had to all because of the choices her stepdad had made. He had ruined more lives than he even knew, and Tommy wondered if he felt any remorse about it.

 

So, that was where Adam found him when he came back with their dinner…with this letter in his lap, brushing tears off his face and seemingly oblivious to Adam trying to get his attention.


	3. Not a Chapter

ATTENTION: I just had to put this out there, to those people who are reading my stories…I have not forgotten about them!!! Life has gotten in the way of a lot of things these past five or six months and even though I want to write more, I haven’t been able to find the time. I am constantly thinking about what is going to happen in the next chapters, and am also working (in my mind only) on more stories for different fandoms.

Please bear with me, and know that they aren’t incomplete stories…just stories that have yet to be finished, but are in the process of that happening.

THANK YOU SOOOOOOO MUCH!!!!!!!!!

**Author's Note:**

> let me know what you think so far...comments are always welcomed and most of the time answered!


End file.
